Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
