I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize