Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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