I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
