In the future we'll all be gay
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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