Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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