he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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