my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
