The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize