That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
