I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
