kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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