bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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