What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
