Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
