cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
