He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
