This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
