I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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