the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
