Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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