I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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