How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
