Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
