I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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