i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
