oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
