Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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