At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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