My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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