I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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