Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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