She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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