i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
