you guys were way drunker than both of me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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