You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
