The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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