he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize