I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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