I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
