let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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