Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
