I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
