She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
