i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
