Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
