I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
