i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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