I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
