I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
