He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
