well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
