And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize