moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize