Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am midnight drunk by noon
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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