Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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