she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
