It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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