She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize