Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We had sex on a dog bed..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
