i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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