i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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