I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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