You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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