I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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