man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
