i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
