I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
