Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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