You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
