The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
