his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
