I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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