YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just high enough for therapy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
