I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize