i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
