i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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