I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is the high leading the old right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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