you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize