While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
