I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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