Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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