Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
