Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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