3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
