giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
