It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
