Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
