apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize