Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
