Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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