Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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