So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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