she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
