belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
