Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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