At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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