my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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