I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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