what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Randomize
