The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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