My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i now understand why vodka
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
