Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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