I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
