There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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