On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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