did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
