Just cropdusted the office
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
